DONT GO THRU OLD CONVERSATIONS WITH SOMEONE WHO U USED TO BE CLOSE WITH
a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.
what the fuck
wAS SPY KIDS 2 EVEN REAL OMG
whenever my mom criticizes me i yell “it’s probably genetic” and run out of the room as fast as i can
don’t let tumblr make you think educations not important please go to college
we dont need no education
we dont need no thought control
Some whales aren’t content to beach themselves. This blue whale is one of many in a trend that scientists aren’t yet able to explain. While whales may beach themselves due to disorientation or depression, some go an extra mile, or in this case 12 miles inland.
By wriggling at only a few feet per day, some whales will move well beyond the shores and into forests. Urged on by senses we can only guess at, this blue whale, nicknamed “Mork” by the caretakers who attempted to press the giant back to water, managed to move deeper than any other specimen on record, eventually passing two small villages on its hopeless trek from the coast of Austria to its eventual death in Innsbruck.
Human intervention played a small role in that people kept the whale’s skin wet and cool, prolonging its life for longer than would have been natural. This was done in the hope that two Chinook helicopters would be able to arrive in time to haul the beast back to the Indian Ocean, but the pleas for support fell upon deaf ears when Mitt Romney vetoed the petition and allocated the funds toward animal research on kittens to find a “cure” for homosexuality.
THIS IS MARRIAGE!!
Permission to be a bad ass. Nod.
He looks back at the guy like, “SEE THAT? SHE SAID YES. YOU’RE SO FUCKED.”
Like, guys. Sparta was so kick ASS sometimes when it came to women. Spartan women were given these small knives so that if their husbands came home and tried to hit them or assault them, they had a weapon within reach. That weapon was for CUTTING THEIR HUSBANDS’ FUCKING FACES so that when he went out in public everyone would know he was an asshole, abusing jerkface and they would publicly shame him.
I DID NOT KNOW THAT THAT IS GREAT
LET’S JUST TALK ABOUT SPARTAN WOMEN FOR A SECOND.
In Sparta, women could own land and were considered citizens. THAT IS A HUGE BIG FUCKING DEAL. Why? Because that was RARE AS FUCK and there are lots of places TODAY where women don’t even get that much.
Divorce was totally fine, and a woman could expect to keep her own wealth and get custody of the kids because paternal lineage wasn’t very important. And it didn’t make her a pariah! She could totally remarry, no big deal at all.
Spartan women participated in some fuckin’ badass sporting events, too. And because they were expected to be as physically fit as the Spartan menfolk (who all had to serve compulsory military duties, btw, and couldn’t marry until they finished them at thirty) they didn’t have time for lots of swishy dresses. So they wore notoriously short skirts. According to some accounts, their thighs were visible at all times. HOLY SHIT.
Also, In Sparta men only got their names on their graves if they died in battle. And women? Women only got their names on their graves if they died in childbirth. THE SPARTANS COMPARED CHILDBIRTH TO FUCKING BATTLE AND IT WAS VIEWED AS A GODDAMN BADASS AND HONORABLE WAY TO GO OUT.
FUCKING SPARTAN WOMEN. THIS DUDE HAD FUCKIN’ BETTER MAKE SURE SHE’S COOL WITH WHATEVER HE’S DOING, IF HE KNOWS WHAT’S FUCKIN’ GOOD FOR HIM.
^^ I throughly enjoyed the history lesson dashed with the colorful adjectives.
New fav post because of the comments!